Delilah’s Journal : A fledgling Mistress

2009-06-30T04:12:00.000-07:00

"Mine" and "Surrender to Me" have been released. "Perfect Submission" will be released in August. This trilogy features Mistress Delilah's journey and the BDSM community she belongs to.

2009-02-12T03:32:00.000-08:00

Mistress Entry
This will be a very lonely day. Tram has gone with the other submissive to Master Gabriel’s house. Tram needs time to think about tomorrow and the collaring ceremony.

I have already decided to give Tram my collar. I had it made just for him a week ago. My only fear is that he will reject me. That somewhere during this year I didn’t give him what he needed. My naivety might have been too much for him. I felt like I was stumbling around in the dark through a lot of this year. I tried to be the best Mistress I could for him. God, I hoped I have proved to him just how much his submission means to me. It’s thanks to him that I know without a doubt that this is what I was meant to be. It’s thanks to his patient that I was able to hone my skills. It was because of the warmth he gave me that I was able to grow as I have.

Tram, I will not worry about tomorrow. Somehow, I know in my heart that you will accept my collar. I love you my submissive. Thank you for taking this journey with me. And hopefully, this journey has just begun.

2009-02-12T03:31:00.000-08:00

Tram’s Entry

This has been such an extraordinary year. I learned so much about myself. This is the lifestyle I was meant for, I know it is.

Master Gabriel has taken me and all the other submissive to his home. Today, we are supposed to really think about our time with our respective dominants. Tomorrow is the collaring ceremony and I am terrified. I can see by the looks on the other submissives’ faces they are feeling the same thing. We are not allowed to talk with each other and I’m rather glad for that. However, we are allowed to talk with Master Gabriel if we need to. Seeing him now as to compare to how he is when he has visited Mistress over this last year…it’s like seeing two different people. It’s really hard to explain. When he visited Mistress he acted as though I wasn’t there, but now, his kindness is almost overwhelming. We all hung on his words as he explained how the collaring was going to work. Nobody made a sound when he spoke of not thinking about our dominant’s feelings right now that we were to focus on what we wanted and needed. And his open invitation to speak with him today, you could tell he meant it. It makes me wonder if this is the man his submissive gets to see, gets to serve, or is he like he is when he is at Mistress’ home?

To tell you the truth I don’t have much to think about. I know in my heart that Mistress Delilah is who I want to serve. I love her. I find myself smiling just writing those words down. For a novice Mistress she knew what I needed, because she took the time to find out. I wonder how many other dominants have done this with there submissives. Every part of this year was special. Even the times me and Mistress were angry with each other, though thankfully those times were few and far between. Mistress makes me feel loved, cherished and safe. She makes me feel like a man and my protective nature has blossomed. Every sexual moment, every tender moment, every quiet moment and even the hectic ones I will always cherish.

My only fear now is that Mistress doesn’t feel the same. Have I earned her collar? It is this fear that makes me almost sick. What will I do if she doesn’t collar me? I can’t serve another Mistress. I know in my heart I can’t.

This last entry Mistress will read. I’m curious what her entry will say. Mistress, if you choose not to collar me then I want to tell you now, thank you for all that you have taught me. And if I have earned your collar, I love you so much my heart is about to burst.

2009-02-09T03:45:00.002-08:00

Mistress Entry.

I am a bit annoyed that Master Gabriel didn’t tell me about the “the exit” meeting. I was totally shocked when Alex explained to me what it was. I tried to hide my shock. I reached down and stroke Tram’s hair reassuring him that I had no intention of breaking our contract. Then I realized what if Tram wanted out. He must have sensed what I was feeling because he kissed my hand a purred “My Mistress”. I never really thought about Tram not being happy in our relationship. This sent a flood of doubt. I really needed to think this over. Tram seemed happy, but so did so many other couples who had ended their contract today.

Master Gabriel left that submissive Michael with me. That Michael is so big and yet I had no fear of him at all. I should have paid a little attention to him, but my mind was on Tram. Relieved, yet full of doubt about the progress of our relationship. Did Tram need a sterner Mistress? I tend to be a bit on the gentle side. I see how most of the Mistress treat their submissive, to me, seems like borderline cruelty. Yet, their submissives seemed to adore them anyways. If Tram needed a sterner Mistress I wouldn’t be able to give him that. It’s just not me.

Before I knew it Master Gabriela came and took Michael back. Shortly afterwards the ending of the contracts began. Master James broke his contract with his submissive. I looked around and saw the sadness in whoever was being left behind. When it was all over I had to leave. I couldn’t stand being here any longer. Tram seemed pleased with this and we hurried home.

I needed to think, to reevaluate what I was giving Tram. I so want him to be happy and content. I needed him beside me, so we went up to my bed and just lay in each other’s arms. I wondered if Tram was thinking about today’s events, judging by the way he was holding me so tightly I think he was.

2009-02-09T03:45:00.001-08:00

Tram’s entry

Today me and Mistress went to this mandatory meeting that Master Gabriel was having at the club. Mistress had no idea what this meeting was about. I sure didn’t either. The only thing we knew it was called the ‘the exit’ meeting. What in the world was that suppose to mean?

When we arrived there was a strange vibe to the room. The looks on everyone’s face almost seemed ominous. Alex came over and greeted Mistress and led us over to his table. Master Raven and a Master James were already sitting there. Alex explained to Mistress what this meeting was for. My heart stopped. This meeting was for dominants and submissives to be released from their contracts if one or the other wasn’t happy. I felt Mistress’ hand stroke my hair. I looked up and became instantly relieved. She told me without saying a word she had no intention on letting me go. I could see she had the same worry I did. I reached up and grabbed her hand and gently kissed it and said “My Mistress”. I could feel her instantly relax. Leaving our contract never occurred to me. In fact, I’m hoping to become her permit submissive or whatever Master Gabriel calls it. Still, I passed this test and Mistress was happy with me so far, but would she collar me at the end of this year? I would love nothing more than to wear her collar. She is the Mistress I want, hell she is what I need. I already decided, though I would never tell Mistress this, if she didn’t collar me I would not pursue this lifestyle. How could I? No Mistress could ever live up to her.

Master Gabriel asked Mistress to watch that submissive Michael for a little while. Mistress, of course, agreed right away. I have to admit I did feel a little jealous. I don’t want another man kneeling beside my Mistress. Especially since that lost look Michael’s face had suddenly disappeared as he knelt there by Mistress. Fortunately, Master Gabriel came back in a short while and took Michael away with him.

When the meeting started I couldn’t help but to feel sorry for the ones who were breaking their contracts. Master James broke his contract with his female submissive. Her crying bothered me, yet, I was grateful that my Mistress was pleased enough with me to stay in our contract. Mistress didn’t want to stay and we left right after the breaking of the contracts. I was glad we did. She said very little and only wanted me to sleep with her. Again, I was grateful for this. I just wanted to hold her.

2009-02-05T04:19:00.000-08:00

Mistress’ Entry

I had such a fun morning with Tram. All I wanted to do was kiss him and feel him next to me. I know my sweet submissive must have been aching with need after our make out session, but I wanted to make him wait for release. Sometimes, delaying release made it all the sweeter. I let him wait for about a half hour than watched as he pleasured himself. Damn, that man looks so fucking hot when he does that. I told him to make it last for at least ten minutes and like a good submissive he obeyed completely. I about came watching his cum shooting out of his cock. He begged me to allow him to pleasure me and I was tempted, I was so turned on by watching him. However, I had no time. I had to meet with Master Gabriel.

I left Tram to go about his chores and I headed to Master Gabriel’s home. His pretty submissive showed me to the waiting room. I saw Alex sitting there. I have to admit I was surprised to see him. As usual he smiled a most charming smile at me and just said that he thought that we might be in trouble.

After a moment Master Gabriel came into the room. He asked me to keep silent as he spoke with Alex. Master Gabriel asked him all sorts of questions about Raven and at the end of the barrage of questions he said to Alex, “Love Raven if you must, but leave what’s mine alone.” I was total confused by this, but Alex seemed to know what Master Gabriel was saying. Alex seemed angry when Master Gabriel dismissed him with a simple gesture of his hand.

I watched Alex leave then felt the heat of Master Gabriel’s gaze. I looked over and became almost paralyzed by the intensity of his gaze. He told me I looked very beautiful today and finally freed me of his intense gaze. I asked him why he asked me to come over and all he said was that he wanted my company. However, I felt there was more to this, but I didn’t want to pursue what that was.

I spent a pleasant afternoon with Master Gabriel. He talked about that submissive Michael. He also spoke about the changes he wanted to make to the club and wanted my opinion. Can you imagine a man like that wanting my opinion. I really didn’t know what to say. He looked at me and smile, then thank me for allowing him to bounce a few ideas off me. He walked me to the door. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he only kissed the top of my head. On the drive home I tried to sort out this afternoon. There was something going on that I didn’t know about. One thing was for sure Alex had to know. Once I got home and after I greeted Tram, I went to my office and called Alex. I asked him what Gabriel meant by what he said to Alex.
“You are what is his,” Alex said. He went on to say that Master Gabriel was angry about us fucking. And that he almost got thrown out of the club, but Raven stopped that from happening.

After I got off the phone with Alex I went to find Tram. Alex had to be wrong about Master Gabriel.

2009-02-05T04:18:00.000-08:00

Tram’s Entry

For a week after the Valentine Day party Mistress treated me exceptionally well. She praised me often and allowed me to share her bed.

Yesterday, we started to watch a movie together then she just reached over and pulled me to her. She spent a good hour just kissing me. God, did that feel good, but after that she went to her office, leaving me wanting. I wanted to touch myself so badly to relieve my need. However, it is a rule that I’m never to pleasure myself unless Mistress gives me permission first. It took me a few moments to find my willpower. After a gained some measure of control and went about my chores. My cock stayed rock hard the whole time. After about a half hour Mistress came into the kitchen. She commanded me to stop what I was doing, remove my clothes and sit on the floor. I, of course, obeyed immediately. My excitement grew hearing that purr to her voice. She pulled up a chair and sat just in front of me. She commanded me to pleasure myself, but to make it last at least ten minutes. If I failed to do so I would be chained to the wall of the playroom. Needing to please my Mistress and not really wanting to spend hours chained to the wall I managed to last more than ten minutes before I came. That look on her face intensified my pleasure. She purred at me as she leaned forward and stroked my cheek as I came down from my pleasure high. I could make out “good boy” and “So beautiful”, but beyond that I was incapable of focusing on what she was saying. My orgasm had been so intense it took several minutes for me to regain myself.

I begged Mistress to allow me to pleasure her. She told me before how turned on she gets watching me pleasure myself. She denied my request and told me to get back to my chores. She was going out for the afternoon and she couldn’t take me with her. Master Gabriel only wanted her. I bet he does. I felt my jealous start to bubble up inside, but with one stroke of her hand to my cheek and that look of love on her face I instantly calm down. I could feel how much she adored me and I love the feeling of safety and warmth it gave me.

I watched her walk out the door and couldn’t help but wonder what Master Gabriel wanted from my Mistress.

2009-01-27T03:43:00.000-08:00

Mistress Entry

The Valentine’s Day party was something. The only really good part was that Tram made me so proud. He was flawless. He looked so beautiful…mmm, and I showed him off. He was such a good boy even through the drama of the party.

Master Gabriel introduced me to a submissive named Michael. Whoa, he was a big, strong man, who had such a commanding presence about him. I was very shocked to learn that he was a submissive. I was intrigued by this man, whatever Mistress obtained that submissive was going to have lots of fun with him.

Master Gabriel showed me off to everyone throughout the evening. I had to admit I enjoyed his praise. And…well…I enjoyed being by his side. It felt strangely cold when he wasn’t by my side. Strange, isn’t it? I suppose I was using him as a security blanket or something. Master Gabriel was amazing. Everyone showed him the utmost respect, but he was never arrogant about it.

I had sent Tram to be with Alex while Master Gabriel introduced me to Michael and I was most eager to find him. Knowing Alex they were probably up in a bedroom by now. I could see how much Alex’s pretty little male submissive was turning him on. Lucian did look really yummy.

As I went up the stairs to find Tram I couldn’t seem to get Master Gabriel out of my mind. I felt like some stupid teenage girl who had a silly crush on her teacher. I opened the door and saw Alex standing there with Lucian and Tram kneeling in the back of the room. Alex said something, but I, for the life of me, I couldn’t remember what it was. I went over to Tram and stroked his handsome face. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I turned around and latched onto Alex. Tram was right there and yet I needed to be fucked by Alex. The way Alex took me was exactly what I needed. He was demanding, intense and took what he wanted. Just as I came, Master Raven walked into the room. He was pissed off. Alex roared out his orgasm, which made my pussy twitched. I love hearing a man come. Alex helped me up to my feet and I smoothed down my dress. Raven asked me to leave him and Alex alone for a moment, and of course I did. I went over to Tram and hooked the leash back on. I led him out of the room and paused by the door. I was curious to see why Raven was so pissed off. Was he jealous? To my surprise Raven was prattling on about Master Gabriel. He said Alex was stupid for touching me in Master Gabriel’s house, or something to the affect anyways. I led Tram downstairs weary of this evening already. The last thing I needed was that damn Geneva getting into my face. Tram knelt down beside me. He knows I love it when he does that when another Mistress is around. I don’t what came over me, but I slapped that bitch’s hand away when she tried to touch my Tram. I didn’t want her filthy hands touching my beautiful submissive. When Geneva called me Master Gabriel’s whore Tram leapt up. I quickly motioned for him to stop. If he would have did anything to that bitch I’m sure she would have tried to get Tram thrown out of the club. I had to protect my Tram. I was completely shocked when Master Gabriel walked over and slapped that stupid bitch. I was so shocked by this I didn’t really hear what he said to her. She told him about me and Alex being together. Why, I don’t know, like Master Gabriel’s going to care, but he seemed to get even angrier. He turned to me and apologized for Geneva’s behavior. I was flabbergasted. Why would a man like him take the time to apologize to me for something some stupid Mistress had done? In fact, why would he even come to my defense to begin with. Dominants always bickered amongst themselves.

Not wanting to deal with anything else I excused myself and me and Tram went home. All I wanted was to hold my submissive while I fell asleep.

2009-01-27T03:42:00.000-08:00

Tram Entry

Mistress dressed me carefully for the party. Admittedly, I wasn’t wearing anything that complicated, yet she still took her time. Her hands caressed every part of my body. The care, the tenderness…I felt so special at that moment. When she finished dressing me she stepped back and let her eyes devour me. My cock ached and all I wanted to do was to beg her to allow me to touch her.

She told me to wait right where I was as she went to get dressed. It seemed like forever that I stood there, but it was well worth the wait. My God, did she look amazing. She looked like she was going to a really fancy affair and the contrast between our outfits was arousing to say the less. She told me she was already proud of me and it didn’t matter what the other dominants said. I love her smile, hell I live for that smile.

I have to admit most of the party was a blur. I was so focused on being a good submissive for my Mistress that I didn’t really noticed the other guests too much. Mistress seemed almost nervous when Master Gabriel came over. In fact, I swore I felt my leash tremble a little and I could see how hard she gripped my leash. The way Gabriel…I mean Master Gabriel, Mistress gets really angry if I forget to address Master Gabriel properly, the way he looked at her still bugs the hell out of me. I won’t let it bother me tonight. Mistress talked with him for a little while, then she removed my leash and told me to go to Master Alex and Lucian. I couldn’t take my eyes off her as she followed Master Gabriel.

I told Master Alex that Mistress wanted me to stay with him for a little while. Lucian was gracious as always. He is such a sweet man. I watched Master Alex as he talked with the other dominants. He doesn’t act like the rest of the dominants. It is blatantly obvious that he doesn’t really give a shit what the other dominants thought about him. Master Alex took me and Lucian up to the second story of Master Gabriel’s home. We went into one of the unoccupied rooms. The second the door closed Master Alex latched onto Lucian and kissed him with such passion it made my cock hard. I don’t usually get aroused watching two men making out, but whoo, the way Master Alex kissed Lucian and the way Lucian mewed was amazing. I started to feel like the third wheel so I knelt down at the back of the room. I couldn’t leave, because my Mistress told me to stay with Master Alex. Sensing my discomfort, Lucian whispered something to Master Alex. I was stunned when Master Alex told me that I could join in if I wanted to. I didn’t know what to say or do. Alex just laughed and swatted Lucian on the ass. He told Lucian to kneel down beside me. As Lucian did Mistress came into the room. She seemed kind of flustered. She walked over to me and gently caressed my face. Alex asked her what Master Gabriel wanted. My heart stopped when she said he wanted to show her a new male submissive. She commented on how big this male was and that she was surprised that such a man wanted to be a submissive and not a dominant. She said this Michael had a very commanding presence about him. Alex made some comment about Mistress wanting to dominant such a strong man. Mistress just chuckled, but I could see that she found such a prospect intriguing. Who the hell was this Michael and why did Master Gabriel show him to her? I was a little relieved to hear her tell Alex that Master Gabriel was showing off this Michael to everyone. My relief was short lived when I watched Mistress latch onto to Alex. I heard Lucian gasp a little too. No doubt he was just as surprised as I was. Alex lifted Mistress up and carried her to the bed. The way she pawed at his clothes, that look of lust in her eyes…damn I was having trouble containing my jealousy. If Mistress wanted to fuck I was here and she knew I was always ready for her. Just when I thought I couldn’t stand it any longer I felt Lucian grab my hand. I looked over at the pretty man.

“Enjoy watching them,” he whispered.

He was turned on watching his Master fucking my Mistress. There was no jealousy only delight in watching his Master’s pleasure. I looked at it with Lucian’s eyes, watching my Mistress’ pleasure did arouse me. I felt the jealousy start to fade. I squeezed Lucian’s hand back, silently thanking him.

Just as Mistress climaxed, Master Raven came into the room. He didn’t look too happy that Alex was with Mistress. I felt his eyes on me and Lucian. I watched Lucian bow his head then I quickly did the same. Raven quickly looked over to Alex and Mistress when Alex roared out his orgasm. Master Raven was not happy and once Mistress and Alex got dressed Raven asked Mistress to leave him and Alex alone. Mistress of course did as he asked. She placed her leash on my collar then she left the room. She waited by the door. I heard Raven yelling at Alex, something about Master Gabriel was all I could make out. Mistress said nothing as we walked down the stairs.

A stern-looking woman with two sissy boy submissives stopped Mistress at the bottom of the stairs. It was more than obvious that she wanted to start trouble. I knelt down beside Mistress. The second this Mistress Geneva went to pet me Mistress slapped her hand away. Mistress told her not to ever touch me. Geneva called Mistress, Master Gabriel’s little whore, and I quickly rose to my feet. No one calls my Mistress a whore. Mistress signaled for me to stop. Before Mistress could say anything in response Geneva looked pale as a ghost. I looked over to see what invoked such a response from that bitch. Master Gabriel had heard what she said and he looked pissed. He slowly walked over and slapped Geneva hard in the face, saying she was lucky that he didn’t just throw her ass out. Geneva babbled something about Mistress being with Alex, this only future pissed off Gabriel. He told Geneva to get out of his sight, then he turned to Mistress and apologized for Geneva’s behavior. He caressed Mistress’ cheek then walked away. I could see that he was still very angry, but I had a feeling it was more over the fact Alex had been with Mistress then any other thing.

Mistress and I left the party. When we arrived home she wanted me to sleep in her bed. She snuggled against me without saying a word. I didn’t press the matter. I simply held her close to me.

2009-01-22T04:04:00.000-08:00

Tram’s Entry

Mistress left earlier today. She would only say she was going to Master Alex’s house. I don’t understand why she didn’t want me to accompany her. I usually did when she went over to Master Alex’s home.

I waited impatiently for her to return. I wanted to be with my Mistress. My body craved hers. I wanted to convince her to let me touch her today. Just thinking about touching her, loving her…damn my body aches. I know there is no guarantee that Mistress will let me touch her, but I was going to try my best to earn the right to.

After what seemed like an eternity she came home. She walked a little stiffly and when I asked if she was okay she just told me to go down to the playroom and lean over the whipping bench. I love it when Mistress whips me. Sometimes she will just spank me when I’m leaning over the whipping bench. Either way, I was in a hurry to find out which she was going to do.

After a few moments she came down to the playroom. She secured me to the bench and showed me the flogger. I have never been flogged before and I was rather nervous. She reassured me that she would stop if this was too much for me. I instantly relaxed. She began flogging me in a steady rhythm. It was painful, but nothing I couldn’t endure. She told me how beautiful I looked right now, how sexy I made her feel, what a good boy I was. Her words repeated in my mind as she picked up the pace of the flogging. The pain was starting to get too much for me, then…I don’t know how I did this, but I went above the pain and into some sort of high. I wasn’t aware when she stopped flogging me. The next thing I knew Mistress was in front of me gently stroking my face, lavishing kisses over my face. That look on her face, oh my God, that look, it made me feel so pleased, so proud. When she nuzzled her face against mine and told me I was hers all hers, my heart lept.

Mistress allowed me to sleep in her bed. When she fell asleep I just laid there looking at her. I saw her wince when she rolled on her back. She quickly rolled to the other side that is when I saw the bruises on her back. I quickly woke her up and asked her who did this to her. My blood boiled at the mere thought of someone hurting my Mistress like this. She sat up and softly told me to calm down. She explained how she had Master Alex flog her, so that she would know what it felt like. I asked why in the world she would want to do that. She replied “for you, my submissive.” I didn’t know what to say until she explained that she wanted to know what it felt like so she wouldn’t hurt me with the flogger that she wanted to know the pain I would feel. Then she told me to go back to sleep and to not think about it anymore. But how could I not think about it. She endure the pain of Master Alex’s flogger, and judging by the bruising on her back he didn’t hold back any. A part of me wanted to rush over to Master Alex’s house and beat the shit out of him for hurting my Mistress. However, I knew I couldn’t do that. She had asked him to do that to her. I lay back down and just looked at her. In this moment I knew she was the one I wanted, the one I wanted to serve, to love and cherish forever.

2009-01-22T03:55:00.000-08:00

Mistress Entry

Tram’s getting all wound up about Master Gabriel Valentine’s Day party that is coming up in about a week. I have to admit I’m a little bit nervous about the party myself. It will be the first time the other dominants see me with Tram. I’m not worried about how Tram does. I know he will make me so proud. I just hope I can make Tram be proud to be my submissive. Even about this, whatever happens, happens and that is all to it. Besides Master Gabriel told me he can’t wait to show me off. It was kind of an odd thing for him to say, but I think he was trying to make me feel at little more at ease.

Yesterday, I went over to Alex’s house. I wanted to use a new flogger on Tram and since I have never experienced a flogger before I wanted Alex to use it on me before I used it on Tram. The damn thing hurt like hell, but it made such a delicious whomp noise. When Alex was done flogging me he gently covered me with his body, being ever so careful not to touch the tender skin on my back. He whispered gently to me, asking me over and over if he had hurt me, then he whispered comforting words to me as he gently caressed my hair. I felt very safe and cherished. This is exactly how I want Tram to feel when I let him experience a flogger. I was surprised to see that Master Raven had shown up sometime during my flogging. I felt a little awkward having been just flogged by Alex. Raven was very gracious and quickly made me feel at ease. Alex’s submissive showed me out. I could see the way Alex looked at Raven. It was quite obvious that Alex stilled loved his former Master.

When I got home I chained Tram over the whipping bench. The whipping bench always reminded me of one of those church pews that had the prayer rail in front of it. Anyways, I was still very sore from my flogging, but I couldn’t wait to see how Tram would react to the flogger. He readied himself and a hit him with the flogger. I kept my strokes light at first and slowly increased the intensity. Granted, there was no way I was going to be able to flog Tram with the same strength Alex had just flogged me, but I figured I would be able to flog Tram longer and get the same effect. I was so right. My beautiful Tram loved what I was doing to him. His muscles clinched, his breath quickened, and the way he kept shifting himself I knew his cock was rock hard. I walked around front and looked at his face. He was somewhere else, high on this experience. The pride that filled me was indescribable as I watched my beautiful submissive fly.

Tram’s entry

2009-01-09T03:19:00.000-08:00

Mistress seems a bit distracted lately. I know it has only been a few weeks that we have been together… I might be reading too much into this. She has asked me to tell her what I need and I have yet to answer her, because honestly I never really thought about it. I just want to serve my Mistress. That’s all I want to think about now. I hope she understands.

She has been wonderful about working around my job. The office she had setup for me to work is perfect and she always makes sure I have enough time to complete my work.
I can’t help but feel a little scared. Mistress is perfect so far. You know what they say when something is too good to be true then it is usually not true. I find myself already becoming attached to her. Stupid, I know, but I can’t help myself. I don’t want to think too far into the future. I want to focus on the here and now.
I think I’m getting all melancholy because Lucian, Master Alex’s submissive is staying with us for a few days. Don’t get me wrong I like Lucian, he is a really nice guy, it just that the poor guy is going through hell right now. His Master needs time to think about something. I would be really worried if Mistress just dropped me off with the only explanation is that she needed to think. I will keep Lucian busy so that he can take his mind off it. Besides, Mistress wants me to get to know Lucian. She wants to see me and him together when I’m ready for it. Lucian is a very pretty guy, but that’s the problem he is a guy. I have never been with a guy sexually before. Mistress loves watching two guys having sex. I will do this for her, but not right now.

However, right now I must try and help Lucian get through these next two days. Poor guy, I would hate to be in his place right now.

Mistress Entry

2009-01-09T03:18:00.001-08:00

Tram’s training is going smoother than I thought. He is so eager to please me. Yet, what I need is for him to tell me how to please him. It’s easy to tie him up, spank him, pleasure him, but is this enough? Maybe I’m expecting too much. I think he is throwing himself into this role of being submissive, perhaps this is what he needs right now.

I was surprised to see Alex today, even more so when he asked me to watch his submissive Leon for a few days while he sorted his feelings out about Raven. Poor Alex, any fool could see how much he loves Raven. I remember when we trained together he was so brokenhearted over not being with Raven anymore.

Of course I agreed to watch Leon for him. I would pretty much do anything Alex asks me to do. He was such a big help to me during my training. Another thing about Alex is that he has such a unique view of this lifestyle he was Raven’s submissive, now he is Lucian’s Master. I didn’t think a person could be both a submissive and dominant. I always thought it could only go one way. It shows how naive I am about this lifestyle.

Nov. 5 Mistress

2008-11-05T05:32:00.001-08:00

This first week has been kind of awkward. I don’t want to push Tram to hard. Though, I couldn’t resist getting him naked and tying him up. I wanted to admire my submissive’s beautiful body. He was such a good boy. He whimpered when I told him he wasn’t allow to come this week. I gave the poor thing a cock ring to help him out. I think it’s important not to start our journey with sex. Plus, the anticipation is so delicious.

I’m going shopping today for a dildo for Tram’s beautiful ass. I can’t wait to fuck him with it. Plus, I’m buying some kinky clothes for him for when we play. I think however, he will wear those clothes just for me. I will dress him more conservatively when we go out. He looks so good in his jeans and maybe a form fitting leather shirt. I saw the most delicious looking shirt that would be perfect for him.

I sat Tram down for a serious talk. I needed to know more about him to be able to be a better Mistress for him. My sexy sub., is an architect. I wasn’t expecting that, but I suppose he would have had some sort job in his normal like, an architect…it does suit him. I will have to think of some scenes to incorporate his profession. He said he had a couple months of vacation time. I told him to use only one month of it while we get to know each other and to save the other days for just in case. I am going to see if he can work from home and make sure all of things he needs for work are brought here. He seemed to really enjoy our afternoon of just talking with each other. I learned a lot about him. He’s such a kind and sweet man.

After our talk we went back to being Mistress and submissive. I told him we will be having these talks at least every couple of weeks. His smile was so genuine. Yesterday, Master Gabriel showed up for a visit. Tram was very tense. I saw him looking at Gabriel’s submissive Elizabeth. She was so prime and proper, very well trained. Of course, I would expect Gabriel to have a well-trained submissive. I will talked to Tram after I come back from shopping and assure him that he is doing really well so far, and not to compare himself to Elizabeth. No doubt she has been on the scene for sometime. I thought for a moment that Gabriel was flirting with me, but quickly dismissed the idea. What in the world would a man like Gabriel see in me? I know Gabriel thinks I will make a good Mistress and I’m flattered that he believes that.

Well, I have arrived at the store. I can’t wait to play with Tram later.

Nov 5 Tram’s entry

2008-11-05T05:30:00.000-08:00

Mistress had a long talk with me the other day. She wanted me to tell her all about myself, plus she wanted to make sure that I did make all the necessary preparations for the year that we would be together, you know, like sublease my apartment, changing my address etc. It was nice talking with her. I was allowed to sit next to her on her bed. She wanted to know everything about me, my likes, dislikes. She even wanted to know my favorite movie, song, and book. She listened carefully, like she was storing everything she heard into her memory. It made me feel…special. No lover I ever had listen to me like Mistress did.

I’m new to this intense lifestyle. I did play with lovers, let them tie me up, spank me etc., none of them made me feel the way Mistress has made me feel so far. It’s kind of sad in a way, I have only know Mistress for a little over a week and I already feel so connected with her. Some of my old lovers I had known for a year or longer. Never, did I ever feel like this with any of them.

Mistress has been really easy on me, but I think that is going to change shortly, especially after our talk. She has tied me up and spanked me, but that has been it so far. She hasn’t allowed me to come. And I haven’t been able to touch her in a sexual way. I really hope she will allow me the pleasure.

Master Gabriel stopped by yesterday afternoon. That man freaks me out. And that perfect female submissive he has makes me feel self-conscious. Mistress said she won’t read this journal and I believe her. I need to write this thought down. Master Gabriel…there is just something that bugs me about him. Perhaps, I’m just jealous. The way he looks at Mistress. I don’t like it. What if he loves her? I can’t compete with a man like that. Still, he is dominant and Mistress is as well. I wouldn’t think they would be compatible. I’m going to try not to think about it. It’s not my place.

Mistress is going shopping today for me. I asked her what was she going to buy me and she said it was going to be a surprise. I can’t wait to see what it is.
The hardest part so far is not being able to come. I have to force myself not to think about Mistress in a sexual way and focus only on serving her. Oh damn, my cock is getting hard just thinking about Mistress’s body. I better push these thoughts out my mind and quickly.

Oct 23 Submissive Tram

2008-10-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

Mistress has provided a nice room for me, though I am disappointed that I won't be sleeping in her room. I understand earning the right to sleep with her in her bed, but she could have made me sleep on the floor beside her bed. Or even better chain me to the floor.

She is so petite and pretty. The thought of seeing a cane or crop in her delicate hands is very exciting. I was expecting someone way different, especially, when Master Gabriel told me that Mistress was forty years old. He said that she could wield a whip pretty darn good. Images of a masculine-looking woman popped into my head for some reason. When I saw her, I couldn't speak. I guess I was totally thrown off by her appearance. She wore, I guess you would call it, a business dress. Her hair is a pretty chocolate color and hangs to about her shoulders. When I was allowed to look at her full on, I got to see her pretty blue eyes. I expected her voice to be raspy, but it's so soft and gentle. Needless to say I'm pleasantly surprised by my new Mistress' appearance. It was a thrill to see she was totally different that what I expected. I know that sounds strange.

She laid out some rules, none of which were unreasonable. The one I liked the best was that she wanted us to talk openly at least once a week. During this time I could say whatever I wanted to her without fear of punishment. She wants to get to know me. To know what I want from this journey. I wasn't expecting that either.

This journal is her idea, and I think it's a good one. I just hope that I can be the submissive she needs. I already got a feeling she is the Mistress, I longed for, God, I hope I'm right about that. We have a year together. That is the contract we signed. One year to see if we are right for each other. I can't wait to find out if we are.

Oct 23 Mistress Delilah

2008-10-23T04:02:00.000-07:00

Alex came over to my house and brought Tram with him. I heard the car pull up, and I could see Alex walking up to the door. He had his usual warm smile for me. Then he stepped aside and there was an average-sized man who looked to be in his mid-thirties. His body was well toned and from what I could see of his face, since he was busy looking at the floor, he was rather handsome in a boyish kind of way.

Alex introduced me to Tram. Tram said nothing and simply bowed. I invited Alex in for coffee. He told Tram to fetch some coffee for us. When Tram came back in he set the coffee cups in front of us, then he went to his knees beside me. It was the most erotic sight.

Alex didn't stay long and told us to enjoy getting to know each other. To be honest, I didn't know what to do at first. Sure, I was trained by Gabriel to be a Mistress; however, training and actually doing are two different things.

The first thing I did was to have Tram look at me. His eyes are the most beautiful shade of golden brown. I could see that he was just as nervous as I was. I told him that we would take it slow at first so that I may get to know him. He looked surprised, yet relieved by this.

I asked if he knew how to cook, was he good with house work, and if he was a pain slut. Though I don't mind tolling out pain I didn't really want someone who only needed pain all the time.

He said he was well-trained in everything dealing with a house, and that he wasn't a pain slut. However, he did enjoy receiving pain sometimes.

When I asked him who trained him, I was genuinely surprised to hear it was Master Gabriel that trained him at first then he went to Master Raven's home for a few weeks to refine that training. I asked him when he went to Raven's home. It was the same time I began training with Gabriel.

I took a deep breath to center myself. I had made a list of things I wanted my submissive to do. Rules are very important to a submissive. It keeps them centered. I went about telling Tram the rules. That he is to keep the house clean and prepare the meals. He is to kneel beside me when I signal for him to do so, but otherwise when he comes to attention, he is to stand up straight with his hands behind his back. To simplify, I told him that the standing position was the second position and that kneeling is the first. The third position was presenting himself to me, this entailed him coming to his hands and knees. He is always to be naked in the third position. He is to show respect to me at all times. He is not to question me, unless he has a real concern. Safe words were a most. Gabriel said the easiest to remember was red light. So this is the safe words I gave to Tram to use. Any infraction of the rules will earn him a spanking. The amount of strokes depends on the infraction.

I didn't want to overwhelm him too much. So I left it at that. He seemed to understand rather well. I showed him his room and told him if he was well behaved that he would earn the right to sleep in my bed. Then I left him to get settled in.

I told him to write down his thoughts about our journey together. He is to post this on my journal. I will make it so that we can't read what the other has written, by simply posting to the journal by text message. He seemed to like this idea.

2008-10-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wake up one morning and thought to yourself that your life didn’t fit anymore? That an aching burning desire was fighting to get out? I felt this many times over the last forty years. I tried ignoring these feelings. I tried denying these feelings. And yet, these feelings never went away.

I guess to really understand I must start at the beginning. A cliche, maybe, but every story must have its beginning.

I first started having these strange desires when I was rather young. While other girls my age dreams of kissing and making love to whatever guy they were in love with that particular week. I had visions of spanking, binding…exploring. These thoughts frightened me at first. I truly believed I was, I don’t know, strange…I guess that’s the best word for it. Don’t get me wrong, I adore kissing, and I certainly love fucking, but it was never enough. I pushed my strange desires aside, vowing to never think of them again. Yet, no matter how hard I try to ignore my desires they would always come back.

I married rather young. I was only nineteen. I loved my husband, but…when it came to sex he was as vanilla as they come. And at first it didn’t matter. I loved him and took great delight in giving him pleasure. As the years went by, I tried introducing kinkier things into our repertoire. To his credit he did try, but he wanted to be the dominant one. It felt wrong. I couldn’t submit to him, though his idea of domination was some spanking and trying to talk tough. It wasn’t enough. I tried dominating him, but my rather eclectic taste was way too much for him. Besides, he was very controlling in every aspect of our life together, and I’m not talking the good kind of controlling like a well trained Master would be. Oh no, he was the asshole kind of controlling. Those unfortunate enough to have this kind of controlling spouse you know what I mean. Anyways, there was no way he was giving up any control. So, yet again we hit a dead end.

I took up writing. I had to get these desires out someway. I let go and wrote sizzling stories about Masters and their submissives. I have been doing this for many years, and I am really good at weaving these stories. The one thing I found strange was that I always wrote about Masters. I believe I had only one Mistress in the roster of characters. And now that I think back, I believe it was just easier to let go if I wrote about Masters. The whole denial thing, I guess. The more I wrote about and researched this lifestyle the more I wanted to explore. Since my husband was a control freak, I thought maybe I could be a submissive. And yet again, his narrow-mind put a quick end to that. To be honest, I doubted I could have submitted to him. I needed to be the dominant one. It would take an extraordinary Master to make me want to submit.

When I realized that I wanted to be Mistress, it frightened me. It wasn’t just that I wanted to do this, I needed to…had to do this. The thought of guiding a submissive on a journey of self discovery excited me. It was more than just sex. If you are serious about this lifestyle it is always more than just sex. To truly allow someone to give themselves completely over to your care, to let them fill their need to serve, to cherish someone special…there are really no words to describe it.

Now, I will be obtaining my first submissive. And to be honest I’m afraid. His name is Tram. That’s all I know. Master Alex, acquired Tram for me. Don’t worry I will most certainly be writing about Master Alex in later entries.

But, I’m getting a little ahead of myself. You know, I did try to make things work with my husband. Hell, we were married for twenty-one years. We had two beautiful children, who are now grown and off to college, staring their lives. In fact, it was my youngest child leaving home that made me really sit back and think. Did I really want to spend any more time with a man who didn’t share my needs? Did I continue to only think about his wants, his needs, while ignoring mine? I’m not going to get into the multitude of problems my marriage had. This is not what this journal is about. By suffice to say we had a lot of problems. We were two totally different kinds of people trying to live his lifestyle. And while my children were living at home this was doable. But now, that they are grown and moving on with their lives. It was time to move on with mine. I didn’t make this decision lightly.

I moved out and sought a divorce and once it was final I started my journey of personal discovery. I won’t get too much into the details of the beginning of this journey, the main thing was it brought me to him. Alex was just set free of his contract from his former Master Raven. He was devastated to say the least. They shared a strong bound together. However, Master Raven knew Alex’s true calling and he was going to train Alex to be the Master he should be. I was there at the club when Alex came in. Master Gabriel was with him. Master Raven had sought out Gabriel’s permission to train Alex to be a Master, and this was how I got Master Gabriel’s permission to begin my training. The club had way too many Masters and only two Mistresses. He needed to balance this out. I found out later just how lucky I was to be trained by Master Gabriel, though at the time I didn’t know that. Anyhow, I trained with Alex. Master Gabriel enjoyed being around Master Raven. Though, true be told, I believe that Gabriel was in love with Raven. But that is a whole other story.

My training was tough, and I and Alex learned to confine in each other. We both were scared about becoming what we knew we should be. Gabriel wanted to hurry my training. The next auction was coming up soon and he wanted me and Alex ready.
You see Alex loves pain, well more to the point, he enjoys giving pain. He is very intense and will take a submissive right to their breaking point. Gabriel liked that.

I found out that I wanted a balance between pain and sensuality. I wanted to adore my submissive, yet I wanted to be able to give them what they needed. If my submissive needed pain I would be able to give it to them. Then the day came when Master Gabriel came to me. I thought he was going to explain how the auction worked, but it wasn’t what he did. He told me that Master Raven had a submissive for me. There was no way I was going to refuse Master Raven, after all, he was the man Alex loved. I agreed. Master Gabriel set me up with a nice house, a driver, and an allowance. I tried to refuse and he simply said that no one refuses him. I decided now wasn’t the time to make waves.

Now, Tram will be coming here. I wonder what he looks like. God, I hope he isn’t too young, I don’t want that. A ten year age difference was my limit, younger or older, I didn’t want no more than ten years between us. I guess it doesn’t really matter what Tram looks like. The only thing I really know about him is that he is new to this too. I like that. We can go on this new journey together.

I have to prepare for Tram. I will be keeping this journal to help me sort things out. I hope that I can be the Mistress that Tram needs.